For as long as I can remember its been drilled into me that I am unique, my finger print, my world view, my DNA, all so very unique. I've been privileged over the years to travel to many nations and meet some incredible people from Rwanda to Romania, every person I have met has had a unique story and smile which has been a pleasure to learn more about.
I think funerals needs to be an expression of these unique stories and life experiences. When my grandma died the song which was chosen as we left the Church was Ken Dodd - Happy Song, that summed her up she was a happy soul. Before she died she made a point of telling every one of her 27 grandchildren that she loved us no matter what. At my Grandads funeral I remember the Minister (who happened to be my Uncle) telling the story of how my Grandad taught him to clean his shoes. As we gathered that day we were grieving the loss of my Grandad, but at the same time laughing about how to clean shoes the Grandad way. For all us Grandchildren (yes there are many) the way my Grandad could tell who we were (even with advanced Parkinson's) was by us rubbing noses with him. This bizarre unique family story was shared and passed on to our children and one day their children.
There's an African proverb which says 'It takes a village to raise a child'. Your loved one may never personally have had a child but they will have made an impact, there is a legacy in each one of us. Maybe you are reading this and have a life limiting illness? Your smile has left an impact, the way you have been with someone has left a positive mark.
These unique moments are what a funeral is all about. I love to see the knowing looks on peoples faces as I mention a favourite drink, or life lesson. As I share the love story of a couple, people will then smile as the memories come flooding back.
We in life can only be certain of one thing, one day we will die and as people gather to mourn the physical loss of our bodies, our finger prints can touch people by our stories, our sayings, our favourite songs or poems, prayers or simply silence.
So when planning a funeral of a loved one make it sound like them. Let them speak and leave a positive unique mark on those gathered to mourn, and can I let you into a secret, I think they always leave a mark on me as well. I recently shared a story of one lady who polished her drain pipe cover, not a week goes by that I don't pass a drain pipe cover and think of her, and yes, every time I clean my shoes I remember my grandad.
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