Many people are unsure where to start when planning a service so here's a few things to consider which may help you work things out. I've also added an explanation of some words which are not in most peoples everyday language.
Burial or Cremation?
This is entirely up to you and also what your loved one may have wanted. There are some natural burial grounds which may be in keeping with your loved ones wishes as well as the local cemetery, most Church graveyards are already full unless there is a family burial plot.
If you opt for a cremation service there are three Crematories you could use around Derby. The timing and costs differ for each so please ask your Funeral Arranger who can advise you, however the averaged service is around 20 minutes - it tends to be slightly longer at Trent Crematory.
Flowers
Some people opt for a big family memorial, some don't this is down to personal preference.
Gifts / Donations
Some families want to leave a gift in memory of their loved one to a charity or a ward at the hospital. This is a personal choice and funeral arrangers are happy to advise and support with this.
Entrance and Exit music
This can be anything you like or your loved one liked. Maybe it's something somber or it could be the theme tune from a favourite TV show or even a football chant! The only thing to consider is lyrics, are they appropriate for these last few moments?
Eulogy
This is the life story of your loved one, family members can if they wish share this, or your Minister/Celebrant can.
Family Tribute
Some families want to share stories about their loved ones, say their final goodbyes and honour the deceased. My top tip would be for you to write this down and do not worry if on the day emotions overwhelm, people understand the heart of what is being communicated, so if a few tears roll and your voice breaks remember everyone is willing you on and believes in you.
Poem
There are many poems which convey how you are feeling in this moment of grief, it's totally understandable that you may not be able to find the words, but someone else may have written words which work well. Ask your Celebrant/Minister as they will most likely have a list of the most popular poems or they can probably find others as well.
Sayings/Phrases
Your loved one will have said certain things or had different phrases, these can be used in a service and help presence your loved one in the room.
Song of Reflection
Some families like to have a song when they can sit silently and reflect on their loved one. This can be used after the Eulogy as a moment for everyone to hold their memories together in the room.
Hymn
Some families would like hymns, they may have a family favourite or one that their loved one would sing as a child. Be specific with these, for instance there are 6 different tunes to Amazing Grace! If you want a hymn a specific way, let your Minister/Celebrant know, and if you are not sure, ask, they will be only too happy to help.
Prayer
You can have the Lord's Prayer or another. You do not need to have a prayer but some people want one. You don't need to be religious to have a prayer, prayer is simply a request for help or expression of thanks to God or another deity.
Commendation
This is where the person leading the service commends your loved one, they will use this moment to remind people attending who the person was and what they are being remembered for.
Committal
This short time is where the person leading the service will commit your loved ones body back to the earth. If you have opted for a cremation this is where you can choose for the curtains to close or stay open. If you have opted for a burial during this time the Funeral Director will signal for a lowering of the coffin and then you can throw some soil on the rested coffin then encourage family members to as well.
The service can be just a few moments or it may take longer that's ok each one is different so do not feel pressured to have lots in the service if you only want a simple reflection.
Many people have a real fear of the noises at crematories. I can assure you that your loved ones body stays in the room behind the curtain until you have left the service. At each step along the way from the Funeral Director collecting your loved one to the Crematory Assistants there is dignity and honour shown. I am privileged to work with men and women with the upmost respect for your loved one and who consider it an honour to do what they do.
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